5 Musts When Life Gets Hard

Take your power back — don’t let your situation define you.

Life gets hard at times.

And when it does, we don’t always know the next step.

But there‘s always a way forward, even when we don’t have immediate answers.

Over the years, many situations have left me feeling helpless.

More recently, my divorce. When I realized my husband was cheating, I was heartbroken. And then, I discovered he’d lavished women with gifts and trips around the world.

With our money.

His affairs and more ended our twenty-two-year marriage. It was devastating for our nine children and me.

But it was out of my control to fix — there was no going back.

When life slams us, it takes time to recenter and restore our strength. And sometimes, it means stepping back.

But we can’t stay there too long. We need to focus on what’s within our control.

It’s this action that carries us through our toughest moments.

The one thing we always have control over is our response to the situation.

Five Musts When Life Gets Hard

1. Let Go of Blame and Resentment

It only holds us back.

Years back, we had to close the doors to our restaurant. We’d purchased an existing restaurant, pub, and club from a friend. All our money, effort, and time went into making it a thriving Mexican restaurant.

Nothing was held back.

It was going great until undisclosed debt started appearing. Financially, it became a money pit, no longer worth our investment.

We lost everything — all our savings, credit, and pride. Devastated and heartbroken, I stepped back from life. I stayed in my room for two weeks straight.

I sulked, cried, and blamed everything on the person that deceived us.

But realization hit me — blaming him was pointless. It was my fault for trusting our friend at his word. It wouldn’t have happened if I’d had an attorney review the contract.

So, I let it go and focused on starting over. We rebuilt our life in steps and remained open to possibilities. It was a hard but very effective lesson to this day.

When we let go of blame and resentment, a new path appears.

New beginnings soon turn into new opportunities — especially when we’re willing to view them as such.

2. Trust in New Beginnings

Always. Even when it feels uncertain.

When I found out about my husband’s affairs, letting go was hard.

Facing life as a single mom with nine children felt overwhelming. Not only did I need to make sure I was okay, but I also needed to make sure each of them were okay.

Letting go isn’t easy, but it‘s how healing begins.

Life is a never-ending series of new beginnings, some easier than others: a new school, job, friendship, marriage. When we take on something new, it often means letting go of our familiarity.

When we move to a new home, we’re letting go of our neighbors, favorite places, and all the firsts we created. It’s bittersweet. But we’re also creating the possibility for new connections, favorites, and firsts.

And then there are harder new beginnings— divorce, financial loss, health issues, etc. We all face some form of letting go at one time or another. Though not easy, remaining open allows for an easier transition.

Giving up life as we know it is challenging. But sometimes, it’s exactly what’s needed.

Trust that life is full of opportunities—it’s how we grow and create our beautiful new beginnings.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

It’s a rabbit hole that never ends.

When I was younger, I worked in a salon. Making people look and feel beautiful was rewarding in many ways. And I always felt good when I could make a difference in my client’s day.

It was an upscale salon, and we offered all the trendy magazines for our clients to read. When slow, I’d often flip through the pages. I enjoyed seeing the latest fashions and hairstyles — it was research in my mind.

The models posing had seemingly perfect bodies and faces. I aspired to look and dress like them. But instead of feeling inspired, I always walked away feeling like I needed to lose 20 pounds — that I didn’t measure up.

My feelings of inadequacy were subtle but there nonetheless.

Once I made that connection, my outlook changed. I realized I was allowing pictures that weren’t even real to determine how I felt about myself. So I stopped looking and comparing myself.

It feels the same with social media. But it’s here to stay and part of life. So, I apply the same thought process. I don’t overdo it, and if I’m scrolling for some reason, it’s with the awareness that not everything is as it appears.

Not measuring up seems especially true when we’re going through something difficult. We can find examples everywhere of people having what we don’t — a good marriage, a dream job, or an adventure-filled life.

It’s easy to make our lives appear perfect on social media. But it’s not the whole picture when we only see the good stuff.

Comparing ourselves to others is a trap. It can make us feel like we’re lacking — even when we’re not.

4. Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Little or big steps bring us closer to our dreams.

Years back, I was at a low point in my life. Though I knew something was wrong in my marriage, I still couldn’t quite place it. I’d gained extra weight and had insomnia. I also had migraines — more often than not.

I was stuck.

But then I did what always lifts me up — I read a lot of books.

One of the books was a memoir that brought me into the world of Rich Roll, an ultramarathon runner. I’d never tried running before, but I was inspired. And it was a much-needed challenge.

On the first day, I walked for one minute and ran for 15 seconds — for 30 minutes straight. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, yet I didn’t start full force.

I didn’t even know if I could run yet. But I showed up each day, building my confidence and strength. I kept going. Within four months, I completed my first half-marathon.

Comfort zones are good in many ways. It’s our reassurance and stability. We feel confidence and ease — and at times, that’s what we need.

But stepping outside of them also helps us grow and learn new things. And we always feel good when we’re accomplishing and working towards our goals.

Growth can happen with little steps or by giving it all we got — it’s a personal choice. Either way, it pushes us to achieve in ways that are hard to envision at first.

5. Choose What Gets Your Attention

This is life-changing.

I tend to feel deeply and process most things. Which has benefits, though only to a point. Especially if something negative is on my mind.

I once read to devote 30 minutes per day to worries — to only allow that time to process them. It made sense. We’re still giving it attention, but it’s not distracting us throughout the day.

So, I scheduled worry time for the evening. But when that time comes, I’ve lost my desire to ruminate.

It works.

“Where focus goes, energy flows.” — Tony Robbins

When life gets hard, we must confront our situation to determine the next move. And then decide which actions bring us closer to the solution.

We act on what’s in our control and let go of what’s not — without giving it more attention or worry.

We move on with our day.

If energy flows where focus goes, it’s important to direct our thoughts on tasks that move us forward, not on what holds us back.

Taking Back Your Power With These 5 Musts

When life is hard, our response is our most powerful tool.

1. Let go of blame and resentment

2. Trust in new beginnings

3. Stop comparing yourself to others

4. Step outside of your comfort zone

5. Choose where to focus your attention

When I found out about my husband’s betrayal, I was heartbroken. But I was determined I wouldn’t let it define me. So, I stepped back, giving myself time to recenter.

And I embraced these five musts once again.

Of course, healing and rebuilding take time. But life blossomed into a new beginning I wouldn’t trade for anything.

The one thing we always have control over is our response.

When hard things happen, we don’t always know what comes next. But no matter the situation, there’s always a way forward.

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