Has Divorce Turned Your World Upside Down?

How to embrace change when it’s the last thing you want to do.

Change — it’s one of the inevitable truths of life.

We can always count on it, whether we want it or not. And when it comes to divorce, it can turn our world upside down.

How do you deal with change when every last cell in your body is fighting it?

In my own life, I’ve faced and overcome tough situations. They weren’t easy, but I’ve learned obstacles offer lessons and build our strength when we let them.

The one constant I never thought would change was my marriage. With more than twenty years under our belt, I thought we’d made it.

But we don’t always get to choose change.

When it comes to another person’s actions or behaviors, we have no control. And in life, there are no absolutes.

Don’t get me wrong; there are rock-solid marriages out there that can and will last a lifetime. But I have a new appreciation for remaining open-minded to all.

“Simply have a mind that is open to everything but attached to nothing. Let it all come and go as it will. Enjoy it all, but never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any thing, any place, and particularly, any person. “— Wayne dyer

Many of us thrive on routine. Consistency. We feel grounded when we know what to expect. When a marriage falls apart, everything feels in disarray, which can leave us feeling powerless.

My divorce was a mess. I had no control over whether he chose to act with integrity. Or make choices in the best interest of our kids. That was and still is on him.

We can only do our part. We’re responsible for our own happiness and growth, regardless.

So, with that in mind, I made the choice to live each day with intentional purpose and focus. It keeps the chaos where it needs to be — away from me and the kids.

When divorce turns our world upside down, it’s easy to feel stuck, not knowing what comes next.

But there’s always a way through. And when we center on what truly matters, life moves in a better direction.

When divorce turns your world upside down

Nourish your soul

It's going to feel hard. You’ll likely be sad, angry, frustrated, and probably not want to face it. That’s okay; it’s all part of healing. Acceptance takes time, especially with a divorce.

Take time for yourself, nourish your mind and body with good food, good words, and spend time with supportive friends and loved ones.

Most importantly, be easy on yourself. You may feel like you’ve failed — that it’s impossible to move on from this. But emotions are notorious for misleading us when we’re in the middle of it.

Reserve any judgment and let time reveal your truth.

You don’t have to have all the answers right now

As much as we want clear answers, it’s not always possible.

When I realized divorce was in my future, I had no idea how I was going to manage as a single parent. There weren’t any easy or forthcoming solutions.

So, I focused on what was within my control.

I committed to taking action rather than sitting in worry. I jumped into obtaining certifications, going back to school, and starting a business. I didn't know what would or wouldn’t stick; I just knew I needed to believe and invest in myself — and then do the work.

To find the courage to push past the defeat and start over.

I even went through lifeguard certification. I don’t use it today, and maybe could’ve skipped that one. But. It was a great challenge, and I’d always wanted to become a strong swimmer.

I’m happy I did it; it was exactly what was needed at the time. It built confidence, I met great friends, and I’ll always have that skill.

I highly recommend stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. Putting yourself out there can feel terrifying, but you never know what’s waiting for you on the other side.

There are so many possibilities just waiting for your discovery.

Even if we don’t have clarity about our future, it’s important to start somewhere. Anywhere. Just start.

It’s funny how it works. When we take on a growth mindset and believe in our capability, it tends to work out.

Embrace the unknown

I decided early on to embrace, rather than fight, the inevitable changes that came with divorce.

I believe life opens and closes doors as needed. It’s not always easy to trust in this, but I do. Even when we plan out every last detail of our lives, there are no guarantees.

When we’re willing to embrace change, it brings us many unexpected treasures.

Life lessons are powerful.

Especially when we try and find the good in situations. When we intentionally focus on where we’re going rather than where we were. If we close ourselves off, sit with blame, or feel too sorry for ourselves, it’s difficult to move forward.

Without question, sitting with uncertainty is hard —and there’s no easy way around it.

But we move past the pain and fear of the unknown by taking action. By doing the inner and outer work to create a future we can’t wait to start living.

Remaining open to change is empowering. When we let go of our what-ifs, we’re able to say, why not?

Moving Forward

The one certainty in life is change.

Knowing this, when life turns your world upside-down, it’s important to trust you will get through it. Remain open-minded and embrace the changes divorce brings— it’s how we discover our new beginnings.

Undoubtedly, it’s going to be hard, but anything worth having has never come easy.

“Courage, like fear, is a habit. The more you do it, the more you do it, and this habit-of stepping up, of taking action-more than anything else, will move you in a different direction.” — Tony Robbins

Stay focused on possibilities, not on what was. It’s important to process our pain and find our lessons. Take time to heal. But then, we must move forward.

Time has a way of revealing our answers.

In the meantime, it’s our job to put the work into mending ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally — one step at a time. To find our footing and become the best version of ourselves.

Piece by piece, it’s how we rebuild our life.

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