5 Ways to Find Happiness After Divorce

Actionable steps to help you move forward even if you’ve been betrayed.

I never thought I’d write about ways to find happiness after divorce. After twenty-two years and nine children, I had some sense of security.

Who divorces with that history?

A bit more than three years ago, my husband announced he no longer wanted to be married. He simply didn’t love me anymore — told me he probably never did.

I was humiliated, ashamed, and felt like a failure. He said it was my fault; I should’ve done more to keep him happy. I believed him.

I’d never felt so alone.

He designed his new life — club music, designer clothes, working out, a sports car. But I held on, clinging to the hope of him realizing what he was throwing away. And then, I lost all hope when I found out about the other woman.

I didn’t know how I was going to move forward. But I knew it would be without him.

Though letting go and moving forward isn’t always easy, it’s necessary.

In this article, I’ll show you 5 ways to find happiness — even if you’re still in pain. I also include actionable steps to begin your journey.

Both in my personal life and as a coach, I’ve learned how important it is to take charge of our own happiness. Taking time to grieve matters, but don’t stay there too long.

You deserve to be happy.

Optional: Start a journal to plan, dream, and track your progress. It’s strength-building and an effective planning tool. It will be a treasured resource to return to when needed.

5 Ways to Find Happiness After Divorce

1. Facing The Betrayal

When the person you love blindsides you, it almost feels like a death. But perhaps worse because they had a choice. How do you move forward when the person you’ve entrusted your heart with breaks it into pieces?

It’s a shock — it takes time to recover. It’s important to allow yourself time to process the pain, confusion, and fear. But then we must move forward. We do this by taking action and choosing to look ahead rather than back.

It’s essential to have a support system during this time: Family, friends, books, inspiring words, or support groups.

Find your strength — it’s there. When everything feels dark, it’s not always easy to see a clear path. Another’s perspective can offer you guidance.

Action steps:

1. Indulge in daily self-care ~ make a list of ideas that appeal to you

2. Start new traditions ~ write some things you’d like to try

3. Connect with family and friends, journal, and read ~ your anchors of peace

4. Avoid stalking their social media ~ it takes away any sense of peace

Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. — Jim Rohn

2. Release The Anger

Anger is a natural part of the healing process. It’s okay to feel it. Especially when we’re hurting — anger often feels better than pain. And it helps propel us forward.

But we can’t stay there. Even when we have justification for being angry, we’re always better off letting it go.

When I found out my ex cheated, I was hurt. And then I got mad. But I didn’t stay angry because I knew it would only hold me back. Enough damage had already been done — I wasn’t willing to allow more.

Being angry doesn’t affect your ex; it only steals your peace. They’re moving on with their life. You deserve that closure too. When you’re able to offer forgiveness, you move forward.

Forgiving them isn’t excusing their behavior. You don’t need to have anything more to do with them — or even say anything. Instead, you’re letting go of the anger in your heart.

Action steps:

1. Journal about your anger ~ get your thoughts on paper and out of your mind

2. Set exercise goals or challenges ~ it keeps you busy and reduces stress

3. Work on creating a growth mindset ~ read lots of inspirational words

4. Avoid stalking their social media ~ it’s worth repeating

Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine. ― Roy T. Bennett

3. Let Them Go

Letting go isn’t always easy.

Especially if all we want is for things to go back to okay. But we can’t control another person — what they’ve done or what they’re going to do.

Divorce is painful, and betrayal only compounds it. We’re at a low point, and we just want the pain to stop. Letting go is the last thing on our minds. But holding on doesn’t change anything — it only keeps us locked in pain.

When we make a conscious choice to let go, it frees our minds. Our days aren’t spent thinking about them or how we can fix the situation.

Letting go offers inner peace. You’re able to make clearer decisions and embrace new possibilities.

Action steps:

1. Be willing to face the truth — do an honest analysis of the good and bad of the relationship ~ what lessons can you take from it?

2. Prioritize yourself ~ if it’s not good for your health, mind, or body, let it go

3. Allow yourself time to grieve, rebuild, and create possibilities ~ with compassion

4. Read books on letting go ~ it’s time well spent

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. — E. M. Forster

4. Creating your Blueprint

Not knowing what comes next is hard. We all like some sense of certainty. We don’t have a lot with divorce.

I created more stability by developing a blueprint to recreate my life. I didn’t have everything figured out; it was a work-in-progress plan. It’s important to give yourself time and space to develop your plan. To settle into what feels right.

You won’t have all the answers immediately, and that’s okay. Keep an open mind to all possibilities.

Creating your plan means getting organized. Address all the areas that impact your future. This is how we bring more certainty into our life.

Action Steps:

1. Adjust or redo your budget/savings/retirement plans ~ knowledge and action bring success

2. Create actionable plans/goals/life vision ~ daily, weekly, monthly, yearly

3. Plan for any certifications/schooling/career changes ~ what will you need?

4. Work towards your goals daily and track your progress ~ it’s motivating

Keep sticking to your plan even when it feels like it’s not working. Uncertainty and self-doubt are normal. You’ll get there with time and consistency.

5. Your New Beginning

Once you map out your plan, it’s time to start implementing change.

Keep a routine to add structure to your days. Focus on what you can control. Shape your days to benefit you.

As tough as divorce is, you also get to recreate your life.

I began making time for the things I loved: hiking, writing, tennis, reading, yoga, swimming, cooking, and being with friends. I also went to seminars, took courses, and earned certifications.

It kept me busy, focused, and helped move me forward.

Start by asking yourself what brings you joy. Ease into change and challenge yourself — step outside of your comfort zone. It’s not as difficult when done in small yet consistent steps.

Change can be hard, but it’s important to embrace it. Let go of what was and recreate the new you.

Action steps:

1. Rearrange furniture, create your new wardrobe, and get a makeover ~ it will feel amazing

2. Challenge yourself to achieve something you’ve always wanted to do — start today ~ 5k, cooking classes, salsa lessons, Toastmasters, etc.

3. Start incorporating things you love into your days ~ physically, mentally, and emotionally

4. Keep lists in your journal for ideas and inspirations ~ this serves as a go-to when you’re feeling restless

Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision. — Tony Robbins

Finding Your Happiness

Divorce can be one of the hardest things we go through. It takes focused effort to rebuild our life.

Healing takes time — it’s not instantaneous. But your new life is there waiting for you. Find the strength and courage to embrace it, and use these 5 steps to find your happiness.

1. Face the betrayal

2. Release the anger

3. Let them go

4. Create your blueprint

5. Find your new beginning

Even though I never thought I’d be writing about ways to find happiness after divorce, I wouldn’t change it now if I could. I realized my divorce wasn’t my failure — it was exactly what needed to happen.

In the beginning, everything feels hard. Like we’ve failed. We don’t know how to move forward or make the pain stop. Taking time to grieve matters, but staying there too long only holds you back.

These steps will create possibilities and help you find your happiness, even if you’ve been betrayed. I hope you’ll take the time to create your journal — it works.

When you have a plan, you’re taking charge of your happiness. It’s one of the best investments you can make in your future.

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