A Powerful Question for You After Divorce

Creating a life you love after divorce: A step-by-step guide

Are you ready to trade despair for a life filled with courage, purpose, and a heart filled with joy?

After the end of my 22-year marriage, that’s exactly what I so desperately wanted to do. I felt lost and uncertain, unsure of how to move forward after pouring my heart and soul into my marriage. But after betrayal and shattered trust, I found myself facing a daunting question after my divorce:

Now what?

Storm of Emotions

Divorce brings a storm of emotions — fear, self-doubt, and the overwhelming task of starting over. It’s hard enough getting through it, but having clarity about the next steps almost seems impossible. In those early days, I struggled to make it through the day, paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. 

I was scared to make a wrong move or decision, my self-trust was completely gone. I didn’t have the answers to the big questions, but I knew I had to keep moving forward. 

And so, I found myself drawn to the kitchen, as cooking has always soothed me. 

It began with a simple act of love — cooking my kids’ favorite foods. It gave me purpose, a way to feel I was still needed. I’d stand at the kitchen counter, chopping onions and wiping away tears. Therapy at its best. Eventually, I began reaching for my headphones for a distraction from my never-ending thoughts. The voices of people like Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, and Wayne Dyer filled my ears. 

Their words offered hope to my wounded heart. While the rest of my world felt like it was falling apart, the kitchen remained a steady constant I could count on, a grounding force in the chaos.

Their inspirational words became an unexpected source of strength I looked forward to each day. Little did I know, their wisdom would become the foundation upon which I would rebuild my life.

Words Of Strength

It wasn’t a straightforward process, two steps forward, one step back.

Despite the setbacks and tears, I was moving forward, that much was clear. I devoured books, podcasts, and seminars — anything that promised growth and healing. I just wanted to feel better. To find clarity, rebuild my confidence, and find a way through the mess.

Though time was the ultimate healer, each one of these thought leaders played a significant role in my next steps. They challenged me to think beyond my circumstances and to expand my vision of possibilities. 

The Big Question

Among all the advice and countless words of wisdom I found, there was one question that guided and pointed me in a new direction. A question so simple, yet so profound, posed by strategic coach Dan Sullivan, and it changed everything. 

If you’re ready to rebuild your life, here’s the question to consider: 

“Imagine we’re having this conversation three years from now. You’re looking back on the past three years of your life. What would need to have happened, both personally and professionally, for you to feel truly happy and satisfied with your progress?”

Pause and let that question sink in. It may seem simple, but it holds the power to shift our perspective.

It shifts the focus from the pain of the past to the possibilities of the future. Back then, the end of my marriage felt like the end of me, but his question reminded me I wasn’t just a victim of circumstance; I had choices. 

It was reframing at its best. I could take ownership of my life, and I was capable of reshaping my future — with my values and desires.

It sparked hope and empowerment. 

It provided me with a framework for surviving my divorce and thriving in the aftermath. It was time to stop dwelling on the past and start focusing on the future. The question was like an invitation to plant the seeds of my dreams, set goals, and take bold action toward a brighter future. 

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” — C.S. Lewis

Clarity, Confidence, and Capability

When my marriage first ended, I was at a crossroads, unsure of what path to take. The road I’d traveled for the past 22 years had crumbled beneath me, leaving me lost and uncertain. I had to make a choice: remain stuck or take the steps towards a better future. 

So I thought long and hard about Dan Sullivan’s question, what would need to happen, both personally and professionally, to feel truly happy and satisfied with my progress? 

It was time to reclaim my power, rewrite my story, and create a life I loved. This question became my guide, offering me a way forward. It pushed me to envision a life filled with clarity, confidence, and capability.

Envisioning the Future

Are you ready to design your new beginning? 

Imagine yourself three years from now. You’re not just surviving anymore; you’re absolutely thriving. You’re radiating confidence, joy, and a new sense of purpose. The weight of the past has lifted, and you’re stepping confidently into a life that feels authentically yours.

The pain of divorce has transformed into resilience. You’ve emerged stronger, wiser, and with a deep appreciation for life’s simple joys. You’re embracing your passions and creating a life that reflects your deepest values and desires.

Does this sound too good to be true? I promise it’s closer than you think. This is the incredible power of envisioning your future —and it’s the key to strategically planning and creating a life you truly love. 

Our mind is a powerful tool. When you imagine a future filled with your deepest desires, you’re planting seeds of possibility. These seeds, nurtured by your focused intention and determined actions, will eventually blossom into the life you desire.

Just like an architect designs a blueprint before building a house, you need to envision your ideal life before you can start creating it. Think of your vision as your blueprint for happiness. It’s the roadmap that guides you toward your dreams, the compass that keeps you on track when life throws the inevitable curveball.

Bring Your Vision to Life

Find a quiet space where you can let your imagination run wild. Grab your favorite notebook or journal, a pen that glides effortlessly across the page, and perhaps a warm cup of tea or a glass of wine to set the mood. 

Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Let go of any worries or doubts, and allow yourself to dream big. There are no limits here, this is your creation — your vision board.

This exercise will help you clarify your desires, set clear goals, and create a roadmap for your future.

Ask yourself: 

• What does your ideal day look like three years from now? What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel? Describe every detail, from the moment you wake up to the time you go to bed, engaging all your senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch).

• Where are you living? What does your dream home look like, and where is it located? In a cozy cottage in the countryside, a loft in a city that never sleeps, or a charming villa?

• Who are the people who fill your life with love, laughter, and support? Are you surrounded by a close-knit group of friends or have you found a new partner who adores you for exactly who you are?

• What are you passionate about? What work brings you joy and fulfillment? Are you running your own successful business, writing a bestselling novel, or volunteering your time to a cause you care deeply about?

• What adventures are you experiencing? Are backpacking through Europe with a newfound sense of freedom, crafting artisanal bread, or simply finding joy in the quiet moments of a sunrise yoga practice?

• What new skills have you mastered? Are you speaking a new language, competing in a triathlon, or building a thriving online community based on your unique expertise? How has this growth changed your life?

Don’t hold back. Let your dreams flow freely onto the page. This is your vision, there are no right or wrong answers. Let your unique personality, desires, and values shine through.

We have to first know what we want in order to receive it.

Action Step: Spend some time each day visualizing your three-year vision. The more you can imagine it, the more real it will become. As you go about your day, ask yourself, “Is this action bringing me closer to my vision?” Let your vision guide your choices and decisions, and watch as it begins to happen. 

The power to create a beautiful future lies within you.

Mapping Your Path

Now it’s time to turn your dreams into actionable goals. This is where the magic of strategic planning comes in — where your dreams start to take shape and become a reality.

This step is all about turning your vision into your personalized guide for life. By defining your three-year vision, you’ve created a detailed roadmap of your destination.

Think of it like planning a road trip in reverse. You know your ultimate destination, but instead of focusing on the overwhelming distance, you start by identifying the last major city before your final stop. Then, you figure out the city before that, and so on, until you’ve mapped out the entire route back to your starting point.

This process makes the journey feel less daunting and also gives you a clear, step-by-step plan to follow. You can see the individual milestones you need to reach, and you know exactly what actions to take to get there.

The same principle applies to your life goals.

Reverse Engineering Your Goals

Reverse engineering is a powerful tool that helps you break down those seemingly impossible goals into manageable steps. Here’s how you can do that:

1. Milestone Goals: What are the big-picture accomplishments that will bring you closer to your ultimate goal?

2. Break Down Each Milestone: What specific steps do you need to take to reach each milestone?

3. Create Actionable Steps: What are the day-to-day tasks that will move you closer to each goal?

4. Prioritize and Set Deadlines: Not all goals are created equal. Prioritize them and set realistic deadlines.

5. Track Your Progress: Regularly review your progress and adjust your plan as needed.

The key to reverse engineering is starting with the end in mind. By focusing on your desired outcome and working backward, you create a clear path forward.

Your Growth Plan

So grab your notebook again, and let’s start mapping out your path to your new life.

Personal Growth

• What parts of yourself do you want to strengthen?

• What new hobbies or interests light you up inside?

• What kind of relationships do you want to cultivate?

• Which relationships are no longer serving you, and how can you gracefully let them go?

Professional Growth

• Where do you see your career heading?

• What skills do you need to develop to get there?

• What kind of impact do you want to make in the world, on your terms?

These questions are your starting point. They’ll help you understand the areas of your life that need attention and the desires you want to fulfill.

Empowering Yourself to Shape Your Future

The most empowering part of this process is realizing you have the power to shape your future. By breaking down your big dreams into smaller, more manageable goals, you empower yourself to take action. You’re moving from a place of “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” to “This is what I’m going to do.”

You’re ditching vague wishes and embracing concrete steps that get you where you want to be.

It’s the magic of strategic thinking and planning.

Creating Your SMART Goals Roadmap

Now that you’ve envisioned your ideal future, it’s time to break those dreams down into concrete, achievable goals. The SMART approach is a proven method for ensuring your goals become actionable steps rather than just wishful thinking. 

Each goal should be: 

• Specific: Clearly defined and focused. (Not “get healthier,” but “exercise 3 times a week and cook nutritious meals at home.”)

• Measurable: With concrete criteria for tracking progress. (Not “learn more,” but “read one self-improvement book per month.”)

• Achievable: Realistic and attainable, not overly ambitious. (Not “become a millionaire overnight,” but “increase my income by 20% this year.”)

• Relevant: Aligned with my overall vision and values. (Not “get a job I’m alright with,” but “find a career that aligns with my values, goals, and strengths.”)

• Time-bound: With a clear deadline to create a sense of urgency. (Not “start a business someday,” but “launch my online store by December.”)

By following the SMART approach, your dreams become a roadmap you can follow. Each goal is a stepping stone toward the person you want to become.

Action Step: Open your notebook and start mapping out your SMART goals, making sure they reflect your unique vision for the future. Begin by focusing on one key area of your life (e.g., personal growth, career, relationships), then move on to others. Ask yourself, what skills do I need to develop? What habits do I need to change? What experiences do I want to have?

Taking Action

With your vision and goals in hand, it’s time for the most exciting part — taking action! This is where your dreams become your reality. In other words, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and get to work.

Think of it like a recipe. You have all the ingredients laid out before you, a delicious recipe in mind — and a clear set of instructions to follow. But the magic only happens when you actually begin. 

Kickstart Your Momentum

You might be tempted to wait for the perfect moment to begin. But the truth is, there never is the perfect moment. Start with small steps, but start today (don’t even wait for Monday to begin). 

• Take the first step: What’s one small action you can take today that aligns with your vision? It could be as simple as researching a new course, signing up for a class, or reaching out to a potential mentor.

• Build momentum: Each small step, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is a step in the right direction. Celebrate those wins and use them as fuel to keep moving forward. Momentum is contagious, and before you know it, you’ll be unstoppable.

• Embrace the power of “yet”: If you haven’t achieved a goal yet, simply add the word “yet” to the end of the sentence. Instead of “I can’t do this,” say “I can’t do this yet.” This simple mindset shift makes all the difference.

Guidance and Support

• Find mentors and coaches: Look for people who’ve already achieved what you desire. My holistic life coach played a pivotal role in my healing and growth. A good mentor or coach offers invaluable support, encouragement, and accountability, challenging you to step outside your comfort zone and offering fresh perspectives.

• Join a mastermind group: (my favorite!) Connect with others who share your ambitions and goals. A mastermind group offers a safe space to share ideas, brainstorm, and hold each other accountable.

• Reach Out to Friends and Family: Don’t underestimate the power of your existing support network. Loved ones can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or practical help with everyday tasks. Their love and encouragement can be a lifeline during challenging times.E

Embrace New Challenges

Growth happens outside our comfort zones. We must be willing to push our boundaries, challenge ourselves, and embrace the unknown.

• Step outside your comfort zone: Take calculated risks, try new things, and don’t be afraid to fail. Failure is simply a stepping stone to success.

• Embrace uncertainty: Life is full of surprises, and some of the most incredible opportunities come when we least expect them. Be open to new experiences and trust the process!

• Build Resilience: Setbacks are a natural part of life. The key is to remain flexible, learn from our mistakes, and keep moving forward with determination and resilience.

Action Step: Act now! Taking action is the key to making your vision a reality. Start small, start today. Find mentors, build a supportive community, and don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Join that dance class you’ve always wanted to try or sign up for that online course. Take a leap of faith and watch your dreams unfold. Perhaps most importantly, never give up on your dreams.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Final Thoughts

Divorce is a truly challenging chapter, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your story. It can be the beginning of a remarkable new one — a story filled with intentional joy, purpose, and a life you absolutely love.

Dan Sullivan’s question gave me the power to envision, plan, and most importantly, take action. I went from feeling lost and broken to creating a life that’s more fulfilling and authentic to me than I thought possible. 

It’s a question that can transform your life too.

If you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, I encourage you to ask yourself this powerful question and commit to doing the work. It’s easy to believe things will somehow improve on their own, but true change demands deliberate action and courage. Let it fuel your determination. 

And Don’t Forget

• Rebuilding after divorce is a process, not an overnight transformation. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your wins, and learn from your setbacks.

• Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental wellness. Make time for activities that bring you joy and peace.

• There’s no shame in reaching out to a therapist or counselor for support during this challenging time.

• You’re capable of creating a beautiful and fulfilling life after divorce

Envision your future, map out your path, and take those first courageous steps toward the life that’s waiting for you. The power to rebuild and create a life you love lies within you. It may not always be easy, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

Embrace the ups and downs, be kind to yourself, and celebrate even the smallest victories. With each step, you’ll be closer to creating a life that’s even more fulfilling than the one you left behind.

Resources for Healing and Rebuilding

While rebuilding after divorce is personal, you don’t have to walk it alone. Here are some resources that offer support, guidance, and inspiration.

Books I recommend 

• 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace

• I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce: Ending the Battle Between Holding On and Letting Go

• Awaken the Giant Within

• Rising Strong

Additional Suggestions

• Therapy and Counseling: A safe space for processing emotions and gaining valuable insights.

• Support Groups: Connect with others who understand your journey and offer encouragement.

• Mindfulness Practices: Journaling and meditation help reduce stress and gain clarity.

• Nourish Your Body: Prioritize exercise and healthy eating for optimal wellness.

• Holistic Therapies: Explore yoga, acupuncture, or massage for relaxation and stress relief.

• Holistic health coaching: Ready to take charge of your well-being and create a life you love? I offer personalized holistic coaching to help you nourish your mind, body, and spirit as you rebuild. Let’s create a roadmap to your best self. Learn more here.