Breaking the Chains: Finding Happiness After Divorce

Divorce
Written By Julie

Empowering yourself to thrive beyond divorce

A woman smiling with confidence after a divorce.

Are You Ready to Break Free?

Divorce is one of the most challenging transitions in life. It’s not just about separating from a spouse—it’s about redefining our identity, rebuilding our future, and rediscovering happiness.

The process can feel overwhelming. On top of the emotional pain, we’re navigating major life changes—from parenting and finances to career and personal growth. The uncertainty can feel daunting, making it hard to know where to begin.

But happiness after divorce is possible. It starts with one choice—to move forward.

Shattered Dreams: My Story of Letting Go

For many of us, divorce isn’t just an ending—it’s the collapse of everything we thought we knew. I’ve been there. I thought I knew my husband of 22 years, but when I discovered his betrayals, my world shattered. The person I trusted the most deceived me, and suddenly, everything I believed to be true came crashing down.

I blamed myself. I took on his shame and conviction that I should’ve done more to keep him.

But time has a way of peeling back the layers and revealing the truth.

I’d tolerated treatment I never would’ve accepted from anyone else. I justified his actions to keep our marriage intact. But in the end, staying was no longer an option. And as painful as it was, letting go became the first step toward reclaiming my life.

Breaking the Chains: The First Steps to Healing

Letting go of a marriage you’ve invested your soul into isn’t easy. But sometimes, it’s the only way forward. Healing doesn’t happen all at once—but it does begin with small, intentional steps.

Here’s how to take the first step:

  • Accept that healing is a process—it won’t happen overnight.

  • Focus on small, daily choices that create momentum.

  • Let go of what’s outside your control and reclaim your power.

“If you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end, low vibrational relationship or friendship — you won.”
― Lalah Delia

Choosing Happiness: Your Life, Your Power

Happiness after divorce doesn’t just “happen.” It’s a choice—one you make every single day.

From the moment we wake up, we have the power to choose:

  • Honesty over deceit

  • Courage over fear

  • Forgiveness over resentment

  • Self-worth over self-sacrifice

  • Happiness over despair

Our choices shape our future. Every small, intentional action builds a life filled with joy and fulfillment.

10 Daily Habits to Spark Happiness

  1. Start your morning right: Get out of bed when your alarm goes off—no endless scrolling.

    • When you start the day with intention, rather than distraction, you take back control of your time and mindset.

  2. Practice gratitude: Write down 3 things you’re grateful for.

    • Focusing on what’s right in your life shifts your energy and keeps negativity from taking over.

  3. Move your body: Even 10 minutes of exercise can shift your mindset.

    • Physical movement clears mental clutter and builds momentum for the day.

  4. Nourish yourself: Make a breakfast that fuels you.

    • When you fuel your body well, you show up stronger in every area of life.

  5. Set a goal for the day: Structure your tasks to stay focused and productive.

  6. Step outside: Open the curtains, go for a walk or visit a coffee shop.

    • Changing your environment can shift your mood and reset your perspective.

  7. Let go of resentment: Forgiveness isn’t for them—it’s for you.

    • Holding onto anger only weighs you down—free yourself by releasing it.

  8. Limit distractions: Save TV shows for the evening after your goals are met.

    • Discipline creates freedom—when you get things done first, relaxation is guilt-free.

  9. Take action toward a dream: Even small steps toward a new career, hobby, or goal add up.

    • Progress, no matter how small, builds confidence and keeps you excited about life.

  10. Plan for tomorrow: Write out your top 3 priorities before bed.

    • Ending the day with clarity sets you up for success the next morning.

“Getting from point A to point Z can be daunting unless you remember that you don’t have to get from A to Z. You just have to get from A to B. Breaking big dreams into small steps is the way to move forward.” ~ Sheryl Sandberg

Small Choices, Big Impact

Your daily habits create the foundation for your new life.

Every choice—big or small—either keeps you stuck in the past or pushes you forward toward happiness.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I making decisions that support my growth and well-being?

  • Am I holding onto things that no longer serve me?

  • What small action can I take today to move forward?

These small shifts add up. And before you know it, you’ll look back and realize—you’re no longer stuck.

Building Resilience: Reclaiming Your Power

Divorce can make you feel powerless, but you have more control than you think.

When we commit to good habits and intentional living, we rebuild self-confidence, resilience, and inner strength.

Simple Strategies to Take Back Your Power:

Divorce can feel like a storm—chaotic, unpredictable, and exhausting. But in the uncertainty, you have control over one thing: how you rebuild.

Taking back your power isn’t about rushing to fix everything overnight—it’s about small, intentional choices that help to regain stability, confidence, and peace.

When you establish strategies to anchor your days, you see the untapped power within yourself is far greater than you imagined.

And you get to customize your plan to fit your exact needs.

Below is the grounding routine I used as my starting point and anchor among all the chaos. I purposely chose to take time for myself each morning and evening.

When we take care of ourselves, we’re able to give more.

I devoted 10 minutes to each area. At first, I didn’t feel like doing it. But that’s how new habits are in the beginning. It’s completely normal to feel resistant. However, by consistently dedicating time and effort, the momentum builds.

Don’t expect perfection from yourself; simply do the best you can. If you miss a day, it’s okay. All is not lost; just start again. The key is to stay consistent as you continue to prioritize yourself.

Create a routine that gives you purpose and contributes to your health. Self-love and purposeful growth are key to breaking free.

Morning Routine

Evening Routine

Make a list that resonates with you and feels good.

Finding Your Purpose After Divorce

Small steps lead to great habits, which become a stellar routine.

Morning and evening routines (even loose ones) help us recenter our life and create positive purpose in our days. They give us an aim and set us up for success first thing each morning and evening.

We can’t help but move forward.

Instead of our thoughts running wild in the quiet hours, we feel a sense of fulfillment. By showing up for ourselves daily, we rebuild trust in our own strength. And as we do, we realize something powerful—happiness isn’t just possible after divorce. It’s inevitable when we choose to create it.

Finding Your Footing

Once you have some self-care and self-love momentum, it’s easier to tackle the bigger challenges and decisions ahead of you.

It’s important to build a support system: friends, family, a group, and/or a therapist. Feeling connected is such a significant part of healing.

Two women offering support after a divorce.

Challenges/Goals

List the challenges/goals you have for yourself so they’re on paper rather than on replay in your mind.

What do you want/need to work on?

  • Finances

  • Housing

  • Career

  • Co-parenting

  • Social Connections

  • Inner peace/healing/forgiveness

  • Rediscovering you

One of the first issues I needed to address was finances. Everything changes after divorce. Knowing the bottom line is the first step, even if feels overwhelming.

List your areas that need addressing and consider possible solutions. Know that you don’t have to have all the answers right now. Time will offer more clarity.

The bigger point of this is to get it on paper, so you can begin working on it, and it’s not just one more thing you need to think about. Action creates change.

Set aside a time each week to look over your list and work on it. Some areas will be easier than others. But have patience and keep a focused mindset. Rituals in our weeks are powerful.

Here’s an example of what I wrote down for finances.

  1. List all assets and debts

  2. Create a budget

  3. Housing: staying, moving, downsizing, relocating

  4. Career: Get a job, increase income, change careers, certifications, degree, side hustle.

  5. Build an emergency fund: 6 months of expenses

  6. Pay off debts

  7. Invest for the future

I didn’t have too many answers at first, but it gave me a sense of what I needed to work on. I dedicated time to work on finding possible solutions and answers each week. And that was the only time I allowed myself to go down that rabbit hole.

It’s important to remember that self-compassion rules here. It’s not going to be perfect, easy, or straightforward.

Goals and challenges take time to figure out and accomplish.

When we lay everything out on paper, we see it for exactly what it is. Our minds tend to circulate and compound our problems, making them feel impossible and never-ending. When we approach it systematically, we see if it’s something we can work toward and figure out.

And you don’t need all the answers today.

Doing the inner and outer work isn’t easy, but it’s how we break the chains.

Final Thoughts: Creating a Life You Love

Starting over isn’t easy—but neither is staying in a life that no longer fits you.

🔹 You deserve peace.
🔹 You deserve self-respect.
🔹 You deserve to wake up excited about your future.

Your divorce was not the end of your story—it was a turning point. And turning points lead to new beginnings.

Sometimes, you have to let go of what’s weighing you down to rise into the life you’re meant for.

And one day, you’ll wake up and realize—you’re not just surviving.

You’re thriving.

So today, take one small step toward your new life—because your happiness is worth it.

Julie https://becomingyouwithjulie.com
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