How to Feel Good Again After Divorce

Rebuilding My Life with 9 Kids: A Personal Journey and Practical Guide

When my 22-year marriage ended, I was devastated. My husband’s affairs (how many I will never truly know) were a crushing blow, and I was left to rebuild my life with 9 kids. 

I felt stuck between the overwhelming pain of betrayal and the daunting thought of moving forward. Making decisions seemed impossible as I struggled through anger, sadness, and confusion.

This is a story of heartbreak many relate to, but it’s also a story of resilience and hope. Divorce is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. The upheaval leaves you feeling lost, broken, and sitting in uncertainty — but there is hope on the other side.

With nearly 50% of marriages ending in divorce, countless face this overwhelming pain, yet many find a path to recovery and growth.

The First Steps

Unsure of how to feel better and start healing, I started by re-establishing a daily routine for myself and my children. I was a mess, and our normal routines had went out the window. This small but pivotal step provided us with a sense of stability in the chaos.

Going through a divorce, especially when you’re blindsided, is incredibly painful. But I can tell you with sincere honesty that it’s possible to feel good again after divorce. Healing is possible.

Getting there is far from easy. In fact, if I’m completely honest, it’s probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever be asked to do. Believing in yourself and finding your strength after so much darkness doesn’t just happen. But through intentional actions and self-discovery, you will find strength and resilience you never even knew you had.

Here’s how I got back to good and emerged stronger. Isn’t it time to turn your pain into strength and reclaim your life?

Giving Yourself Permission

Grieving is the first step in healing. I spent many nights crying alone after the kids were asleep, allowing myself to feel the pain, anger, and sadness. I gave myself permission to acknowledge the depth of my hurt.

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” — Caroline Myss

I decided to write a letter to my ex-husband, letting it all out. I never sent it, but the act of writing helped me process my emotions. It was incredibly freeing. 

Allow yourself time to process the pain; it’s a necessary part of healing. Suppressing your emotions or rushing through the grief can lead to bigger issues down the road. It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, and confused — it’s completely normal.

You want to process the pain but don’t dwell too long. Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let them define you. Use this time to understand and accept what you’re going through.

Prioritize You

Self-love is crucial right now — physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

1. Getting Movement: Regular exercise, nutritious meals, and sleep. Your body needs strength to support your emotional healing.

2. Mental Well-being: Engage in activities that stimulate your mind, such as reading, puzzles, or learning a new skill.

3. Emotional Care: Spend time with positive people who uplift and support you. Watch and listen to inspirational movies, podcasts, and videos. 

Set Goals and Challenges — Yes, Especially Now 

Setting goals and working towards them provide you with a much-needed sense of purpose right now. They don’t have to be huge; small, achievable goals will make a big difference. For instance, start exercising. Walking, running, swimming, something you enjoy. Join a biking group or hiking club. 

I joined a Master’s Swim Club, and it was one of the most healing and rewarding things I’ve done. In fact, I even went on to get my lifeguard certification (read about my lifeguarding saga here). I don’t use it professionally, but it was just the challenge I needed.

Which brings me to stepping out of our comfort zones. 

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Divorce makes a person feel like their world is shrinking. Stepping out of your comfort zone helps you reclaim your life. Try new activities, meet new people, and explore new places. Each step, no matter how small, builds confidence and resilience — even if it feels the exact opposite at the time. 

During our divorce, I decided to become a yoga instructor. It’s something I always loved but going deeper was a big leap. It was a bit terrifying because I was lacking confidence on every level. 

However, as I committed to the training and took on the challenges, it became an outlet where I could push myself, find peace in the chaos, and regain some sense of control over my life. And feeling any sense of control during a divorce is grounding. 

Strategies for Tough Times

These were the key principles that guided me through the toughest times:

• Control Your Actions: We can’t change what happened, but we can choose our response.

• Find the Good: Focus on the positive aspects. Both good and bad are present, but choosing to see the good supports healing.

• Learn from Experience: Every challenge is an opportunity for growth. Failing makes us wiser and stronger when we let it.

• Forgive for Your Peace: Forgiving isn’t excusing the wrong; it’s about letting go and finding peace for yourself.

• Recreate our New Life or Stay Bitter: The choice is ours to make. Set your intention and stay focused. 

Focus on Self-Improvement

How we respond to our circumstances matters more than the circumstances themselves. Focusing on what’s in our control, like self-improvement each day, even in small ways, greatly impacts healing. Time heals wounds, especially when combined with intentional actions.

3 Ideas to Begin: 

1. I started by taking a few minutes each day, in the morning and evening, to reflect on my progress. This helped me acknowledge my achievements, no matter how small, and set intentions for the next day.

2. I committed to learning something new each week. This kept my mind occupied and opened new possibilities, giving me a sense of accomplishment.

3. Keeping a gratitude journal shifted my focus from what was wrong to what was right in my life. Writing down what I was thankful for each day supported a more positive mindset.

Embrace a New Beginning

Divorce isn’t the end, even if it feels like it right now; it’s your opportunity for a new beginning. 

One of the most transformative steps I took was making a list of the things I wanted to do but had tucked away in my life. The list was long but clear, filled with dreams I’d put on hold. The major theme was writing which makes sense because nearly 20 years ago, I dreamed of starting a food and wellness blog. It’s a long story you can read more about here.

I’m happy to say, that after my divorce, I finally began writing and launched my website. 

Take this opportunity (yes, opportunity) to create a life that reflects who you are and what you want. Remember, you have the power within you. Healing is a journey, and each step brings you strength and resilience.

Takeaways

Our healing is in our hands, and it’s something we can choose. Here’s how to begin transforming your pain into strength:

1. Process the Pain: Don’t rush through grief; acknowledge your feelings.

2. Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

3. Set Goals: Find purpose through achievable goals.

4. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: Reclaim your life by trying new things.

5. Adopt Key Principles: Control your actions, find the good, learn from experiences, forgive, and choose to create a new life.

6. Focus on Self-Improvement: Small daily actions lead to significant healing.

7. Embrace a New Beginning: See divorce as a chance to create a life that truly reflects who you are.

Even in the darkest times, you can rise stronger, embrace your true self, and live the life you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Divorce is devastating, but you can feel good again. Embrace your new beginning and recreate a life you can’t wait to get started on (yes, it really is possible, even if it’s hard to imagine right now.).

By sharing my story and the steps I took to heal, I hope to inspire those going through a difficult, painful time. Try to remember, the pain of divorce is temporary, but the strength and wisdom you gain is everlasting.

“Sometimes, when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.” — Christine Caine

If you’re struggling with the pain of divorce recovery, know you’re not alone. Take the first step towards healing by implementing these strategies in your life — they work. 

Share your story in the comments or reach out to me, as a holistic health coach, I’d love to help you through this. Having someone in your corner makes all the difference. Or, perhaps you might benefit from a support group encouragement. 

You have the power to transform your life — and it’s never too late to start over.