Our Family’s Second Minimalizing Project: Finding Simplicity After Divorce

Years back, we made a lifestyle change toward minimalism.

We donated nearly everything and lived the RV life. During our three years on the road, I learned to make the most from very little.

It was a wonderful experience for our family — I wouldn’t trade it for anything. When we live simply, we naturally become more grateful, mindful, and present. There are fewer distractions taking our time and attention.

Family bonds become stronger.

Eventually, we decided to get back into a home. And somehow, over time we began accumulating more and more stuff. All the effort I’d put into simplifying was soon just a memory.

Life started feeling busy again — disconnected, and our family was no longer front and center. Our marriage began falling apart for various reasons, and divorce became inevitable.

But that’s another story.

So here I am, a divorced single mom, on a mission to get back to simplicity, so I can focus on what matters most to me.

Our first project, the tea cupboard was easy — a perfect way to begin. But it’s going to take some time to work through this one.

Back when we lived the RV life, we had rented a storage unit. We’d constructed three levels of metal shelving to store our belongings. The garage was 30 ft at the highest point. Somehow, we managed to fill all the space.

I’ve needed to sort through this stuff for quite some time. Fifteen years of paying someone else to store excess stuff — it seems such a waste. But it’s never too late to right a wrong.

There’s nearly a lifetime of memories and possessions: Books, video and music collections, tools, appliances, bedding, furnishings, and keepsakes that once meant something to us.

All the items from the restaurant we once had are still packaged up after all these years.

Disassembling our lives after divorce takes its toll, mentally and physically. It feels symbolic to finally disconnect this final piece from our life.

Fifteen years ago, when we were loading our storage garage, I’d never felt so connected to my former spouse. I couldn’t wait to begin our new adventure.

I’d always wanted to live simply with family as the main focus. But money/success was always first and foremost on his mind; it’s what he valued most. Money matters, but it’s not what drives me.

I wanted to see him more. For our kids to know him better. We didn’t need a luxurious life; we just wanted his presence. For him to understand that being a good husband and father is what made him our hero, not the money.

For that short time in our marriage, he heard me — we were on the same page. And that’s when we decided to go all in with RV living. I was filled with such hope for our future.

I knew the RV adventure wouldn’t last too long, but I was excited to see where it led us.

I remember how validated he made me feel that day in the storage garage— like he finally got me.

Note to self: If there is a next time, make sure you and your prospective spouse have the same end goals and values before considering marriage.

As I begin sorting through our memories, I’m so excited to begin simplifying and heading toward a more minimalistic lifestyle with my kids.

Like before, I feel validated — I’m following my intended path. But this time around, the validation is coming from within. For the first time in many years, I’m listening to myself rather than putting aside my wants and needs.

Profound.

My kiddos and I rented a U-Haul the other day.

I’m sorting everything into piles: donation, keep, and toss. Aside from photos and some furnishings, I’ll likely get rid of it all. I lived without this for fifteen years.

How much of it do I actually need?

We were able to get a decent amount out of storage, but there will be a few more trips.

We laid everything out in our second living room. I did this for a few reasons. We hardly use that space, and with it there, I have no choice but to see it each day. I don’t like clutter —so this will be done sooner rather than later.

I’m also reading my ground rules each day as a well-needed reminder.

I refuse to let the disarray get to me. There’s so much to go through, but when I finish this project, a heavy weight will be released — for more than one reason.

Memories stir up so many emotions.

Looking through photos from the past, I see genuine happiness, but I also see the demise. It’s much easier to recognize exactly where and how our lives shifted when we’re looking back. All of it— the mistakes, good choices, and everything in between.

I have no regrets; I have a beautiful family because of my marriage. And when it was good, it was wonderful in many ways — until it wasn’t.

I want to live my life in a way that feels authentic to me. Being mindful, simplistic, and present is how I’ve always desired to live. I want to spend my time focused on what matters, not on unnecessary distractions.

So here begins project two. It’s looking and feeling a bit chaotic, but that’s okay — life is often most beautiful when messy.

“No one can achieve their dreams, and become the kind of person they were meant to be all at once. It’s a series of little movements, and you can only take the step that’s right in front of you.” ― Josh Hatcher